I debated for awhile the subject of "Part 5". Do I write about the joys and challenges of moving across the world, and how that influenced the evolution of this book? Do I write about the roller coaster of collaborating with other artists in an effort to manifest my vision & my art? These topics may appear on this blog, but not today. I have landed, instead, upon a subject that we can all relate to.
I have been at home, sick with a virus, for a week now. I don't know about you, but illness often sends me into a time of self-reflection. Brooding, as it were. In between Netflix binges of course. In one particularly introspective moment today, I found myself wrestling with a familiar opponent known as Self-Doubt. Familiar to more than just me, I am certain. That is, do you know anyone that has not doubted themselves at some time or another?
This, for me, is often presents itself as a fear of failure. This fear has long since accompanied me on my journey as a writer. As I was pondering this concept (where it comes from, how to get rid of it, why is it such a pain in the ass, etc.), I realised that it was silly of me to fear failure when I have not first defined the antithesis of failure: success.
How does one define success? Do we listen to society's standards of such things? Is it about money? Recognition? In my musing I came across an old journal entry that, lucky me, contained a definition of success that I had penned down a while ago. It just so happened to touch on the very subject I had been wrestling with: that pesky Self-Doubt. So, I thought I would share it with you. It starts like many of my "ponderings" - with a question:
Who are the great successes? The one's who stay true to themselves. The one's who are not driven by market demands, only their Artist's demands. Even more difficult, the one's who do not doubt. I do not mean doubting one's abilities; such as your ability to rise up in society as a household name. (That, if it happens, is a by-product of your true success.) It is only natural to doubt your abilities from time to time. What the successful artists of this world do not doubt is their worth and worthiness. Their true selves.
I do not mean staunch individualism that protests "Me against society! Me against the system!" The system and society are irrelevant in the face of artistry. Aligning with your vision, co-creating with other artists, following your excitement - here is where the relevance lies. Here is where my focus must be for true success. Success by the world's standards? That may or may not be part of my personal success. That is, again, irrelevant.
If I have succeeded in staying true to myself, if I have not forsaken the integrity of the Artist within me, if I have sought excitement, love, joy, & passion in every moment, circumstance and decision, then I believe I have honoured my father's legacy as a writer. Failure, in the light of following my joy, is not possible. If that is not the definition of success for Gretchen Lindemann, then I don't know what is.
What's your personal definition of success?
No comments:
Post a Comment