Saturday 19 April 2014

Ennui

Ennui: a feeling of listlessness and dissatisfaction arising from a lack of occupation or excitement.



Retrospectively, I believe my transition from New Zealand to Sydney was a foreshadowing microcosm of my transition from Australia to home. I will be going from the consistent unpredictability of travel to the daily grind of the expected. In returning to Sydney, I went from moving to a new home after just a few nights, to staying in one place for 10 days. I began to get comfortable. I began to feel anxious. While I enjoyed the company I was keeping immensely, I felt a restlessness growing inside of me. It’s as if the anxiety was subconsciously self-induced in order to make up for my “lack of occupation” - my ennui.



While I am very grateful for moments of leisure, I am learning over and again, in a wide variety of circumstances, that I need to be occupied, even in these moments. Not with just anything. Occupied with a purpose. Perhaps I am still learning HOW to occupy myself when the opportunity for leisure presents itself. Yes, for me the best kind of leisure is that which is also purposeful.



As humans we are meant to strive for a purpose of being. It is why we are here today. It began as a method of survival, and as we have evolved, enjoyment has weaved it’s way into our priorities so that we have eventually learned that what it is we do to keep ourselves alive can also be something we love. Even the most mundane jobs can be sources of flow if we train ourselves well, and it is these very same jobs that provide for our physical needs and keep us - and thereby our species - alive.



So how do I avoid ennui when I return to Portland? I believe, by engaging in all my actions purposefully - with love.

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